Blog #6 

CGRS: One year on !

Today, I saw a photo of a group of newly qualified Certified Grief Recovery Specialists & it made me realise that it is now 12 months since I took that first step & trained to become a Specialist.

Many years ago I had promised myself that if I ever managed to get through all the grief & heartache I'd experienced & carried inside throughout my life, I would try to help others do the same because I knew how awful it was to feel so low & desperate,you would try anything just to feel better. So when the opportunity presented itself, I decided to go for it & even though I had doubts, I just felt I had nothing to lose by doing so. That small step was significant & turned out to be one of the best things I have ever done because finally I learnt there is a better way to feel.....  

So what has happened these past 12 months ? 

Well quite simply the Grief Recovery Method has changed my life & now instead of carrying a huge weight of grief around with me 24-7 I have space to let things in that give me pleasure & joy; but even more than that, Grief Recovery opened up my whole world in ways I could never have imagined a year ago. I can say truly say that it has been fun, exciting & has made me want to do even more. Now rather than regretting all of those years I spent not being happy, I feel like I have been given a new lease of life & want to share the "gift" I have been given with others. 

Particular highlights have been;

• meeting lots of lovely people through Grief Recovery & Access Consciousness.
• learning about Access Consciousness & having my Bars run for the very first time which I can thoroughly recommend !
• appearing in Good Housekeeping magazine earlier this year to tell my story to raise awareness of Grief Recovery UK
• Starting to become more social media savvy & setting up "Scratch", my own blog to record my journey as a certified Grief Recovery Specialist. 
• reconnecting with people I have lost touch with but have found once again through social media
• Practicing the Grief Recovery Programmes with the help & support of Ben Calder at the Centre for Integral Health, Shrewsbury. Thanks Ben !
• Receiving testimonials back from grievers I have helped & seeing them being able to move on with their lives. 

But has it all been plain sailing ?

Whilst I decided to do Grief Recovery Method because I felt like I had nothing to lose, I must admit that going through the process wasn't easy, because it means recognising there is a problem & confronting some feelings you may have worked hard to escape from which can be tough. Consequently, it may be that some grievers need to summon up a little courage as well as trusting the process to work which can also be hard when you don't know what is going to happen. That said once you realise that our society has been given the wrong tools to deal with loss & grief, both of which are normal & natural, it is then possible to see a light in the distance. However it is clear to me that whilst many people I have talked to throughout the year recognise how much grief can affect their overall mental health & well being, most feel uncomfortable & stuck when it comes to the subject of grief; indeed I convinced myself at times that I didn't want to go there for fear of opening up a whole Pandora's box of emotions, but now that I have, I realise how important it is to talk about this sort of stuff. I would recommend this to anyone because grief recovery really offers you an alternative from feeling stuck & not able to move on with your life; the question is, are you willing to take that first step ?   

So what now ?
Having learnt the process of Grief Recovery a year ago, it is something that I have worked through many times to recover from a multitude of losses I have experienced during my life. At the current time of writing, I find myself at a "cross roads" with my career & wonder whether I want to continue with my job because all the hopes, dreams & expectations I once had have now gone & things have changed to the point where I can't continue any longer. I find myself grieving for what might have been & so have decided to use Grief Recovery to help me through this & essentially move on, whether this will be with my current employer or with another or even striking out on my own.... ? Whilst I fear the unknown, I'm also excited by the prospect of a new challenge.....

So watch this space to see what happens, but for now let me end by saying a few thank you's; to Carole Henderson, Phyl Edmonds who work tirelessly promoting Grief Recovery UK & training Specialists up & down the country as well as providing a sympathetic ear & sounding board when you have an issue you can't quite see your way around ! A further vote of thanks also goes to all the ladies in the Grief Recovery office, the group of ladies I qualified (pictured above) with including Karen & the two Di's from the Isle of Man who have all given me great encouragement & support, but the last thank you has to go to John W. James & Russell Friedman for their work in bringing together the Grief Recovery Handbook and without which I wouldn't be doing any of this. I can only imagine how many people it has helped already & how many more it will help in the future, so a sincere & heartfelt thank you from me. 

Until the next time.... look after yourself...... x  

Scratch #5 My Dad remembered.....

but never forgotten

Today 1st July would have been my Dad's birthday which co-incidentally would have also been Princess Diana's & whilst neither of them are still alive, neither of them are forgotten & occupy a place in my heart for different reasons..... 

Whilst Diana was a beautiful & inspiring lady, whose actions changed the way the world thought about issues like Aids, un-exploded land mines & mental health issues, my Dad was essentially just an ordinary guy, who may not have changed the world, but he made my world & all that went with it, so this is a little tribute to him from me.....

Although I am guessing everyone who loves their Dad thinks they are the greatest father, I know my Dad was far from perfect, he was obsessed by roads & road maps, he often lacked emotional intelligence & never failed to make fun of the music I was into as a teenager. In spite of this, he was a caring Dad who was always there with words of wisdom & a hug when I needed it, even though he was brought up in an environment where personal displays of affection didn't happen. His passion for life was awesome & he taught me never to give up even when things seem difficult or even impossible. 

Throughout his life my Dad was seriously ill, to the extent where several times, I truly believed he was going to die, most notably on his 71st birthday. Earlier that year, he had been diagnosed with cancer & having had a course of chemo he had reacted so badly that he was subsequently rushed into hospital. On that birthday, I went to visit & cheer him up by taking cards & gifts, but he could hardly speak & I truly thought it was going to be his last. Yet, somehow he got through it & never complained or made a fuss about his illness, plus he always tried to remain cheerful & positive talking about what he was going to do when he got out of hospital & how much he was looking forward to doing so. 

Perhaps because of his illnesses, Dad had always led a full & active life wherever possible since he appreciated the value of having his health & time to enjoy it. In his earlier years, he was a gymnast as well as enjoying playing cricket & football, then later he became a keen gardener. However one of his greatest passions was drawing & later painting. Whilst in hospital, he started to sketch whatever he saw around him, not only to keep him occupied during his treatment & hospital visits, but also as he was still keen to observe & learn about the world around him. The sketch books he left me are amazing & I am glad he used the time he had, not only do something creative, but something that really gave him pleasure.

This was a skill he came back to later on in life when he retired through ill health & also to look after my Mum. During this time, he used what little free time he had to go out into the local area to sketch, as well as taking photographs & teach himself how to paint in watercolour. However he never rested on his laurels, enrolling in classes with painters he admired & was eager to learn more about how to paint first in watercolour, then oils, as well as sketch in pastels & charcoal. Later started running his own classes & getting involved in the art world locally, giving others the benefit of what he had learnt as well as sharing his love for drawing & painting. To me, he showed what you could achieve when you had passion for something & channelled it into helping others develop their talents & interests. In addition & more significantly, I liked the fact that he wasn't afraid to admit when he didn't know something & was always prepared to try something new.

My Dad said that he never had a dull day once he had retired because of his interests & whilst he left work because of his health, he also took a brave decision that not many other men would take. He decided to leave work to care for his wife, my Mum, who was unable to take care of herself, suffered with brain damage after trying to take her own life. Rather than putting her into a care home & having an "easier" life, he told me he wanted to be with her whatever the situation, to care for her & look after her as she had done for him when he had been ill. His loyalty & love for my mum is something that I admire so much & felt honoured to have witnessed, even if I didn't agree with or understand it at the time. Towards the end, when he became too ill & was forced to have her taken into care, I know he felt so guilty, even though he gave her a quality of life that she wouldn't have had otherwise. 

Whilst I am sad that Dad is no longer with me to see my son, his grandson, grow up & hasn't been for some time now, after 5 years of grieving I realised that Dad wouldn't want me to mark every birthday or the anniversary of his death with sorrow & grief, so I made up my mind to smile & be happy he was my Dad & that I was lucky enough to have him in my life. Then last year having gone through Grief Recovery, I moved on so that I can now speak about my Dad without being upset, so i can remember all the good times & some of the bad ones, without the pain, guilt & grief that I suffered from for many years. So when I think of him now which may be because I hear a song on the radio he liked or see the irises he gave me bloom in the garden or catching a glimpse of his photo or one of his paintings in my house, I do miss him, but I know that he is all around & very much a part of me so I will never lose him or my precious memories of him.

Towards the end of his life, I realised that he was not going to make it this time & so I tried to spend every free minute I could with him, just being there & letting him see his beautiful grandson as much as possible. Once he knew he was going to die, Dad decided to spend what time he had at home being looked after by his two sisters who made his last days as comfortable as possible. Then that fateful day i got the call that he had been rushed to hospital & I thought I wouldn't make it before he passed away, but somehow he hung on to see me & I was there when he draw his last breath having told him how much I loved him. 

A year later, my brother & I took his ashes to Skye & two years later we returned to take Mum, so they could be together in such a special & beautiful place. I know that all Dad wanted was for me to be happy & I am, so he did a good job of getting me started & if I can have some of the passion that he had for the things in his life, may be my life could be as "rich" as his..... I do hope so ? 

So thank you Dad & "Happy Birthday" to you if you are looking down on me today, I think I turned out okay, thanks to you....... oh & before I go I have a little gift for you from your Grandson who seems to have inherited some of your talent I think ?

Thanks for reading this & please leave me a comment if you wish ?